Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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