Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm going to jail i love you
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
