I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
