He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
