Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
