Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
