Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
two words...techno handjob
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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