I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
