So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
