My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just found puke in my bra..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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