if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
