when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
