Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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