Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
