i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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