SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize