Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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