I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
