Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
