this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
