They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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