I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize