erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize