You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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