listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
