im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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