She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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