Need sex. Gaining weight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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