there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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