Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
