I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
