I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
