I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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