I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
