Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
did i walk over a car last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
