Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
