Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize