A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
