the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
