I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
