Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
