are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dick has a subreddit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize