All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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