You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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