anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize