so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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