I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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