Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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