Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
