just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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