Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found your dick twin last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
