operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
