I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
