every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
