it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Randomize
