i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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