I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
