conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
