Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize