Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
