K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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