Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
