I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Houston, we have a squirter
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
