Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
