It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
