Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
