so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
