please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
