Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
