SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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