My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i love accidental penises.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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