I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
