At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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