my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
