If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
