Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
