Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize