just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
