she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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