she looked like the before picture.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
